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Feb 16, 2010

If You Give Up Sex For Lent, You May Die!

If you are going to stop smoking, eating sweets, and drinking sodas - great, congratulations. However if you are thinking of giving up sex, whether with your Fleshlight or a partner, are you aware of the benefits that you will be missing out on?

Here are five reasons not to give up sex for lent.

Every year people across the country give up some of their greatest pleasures in celebration of lent. According to Wikipedia, Lent, in Christian tradition, is the period of the liturgical year leading up to Easter. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Did you read the word "Sex" in there anywhere? Neither did I.

Besides having absolutely nothing to do with the religious aspect of Lent, you don't have to be Barbara Walters to investigate the benefits that sex has on everyday life. Below are five reasons why giving up sex for lent is something that even Christ would cringe at.

If your Fleshlight end-cap is full, you have reduced your risk of Heart Disease.
In a 2001 Queens University study, researches focused on the link between cardiovascular health and sex. They found that by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half. Freakin' half! Forget taking an aspirin everyday and just fuck each of Jenna Haze's Fleshlight orifices. Yes, you can get Jenna Haze over the counter.

The almost cure for the common cold? A Super Ribbed Ice Fleshlight with mouth orifice.
Wilkes University in Pennsylvania says individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30% higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost the immune system. Hulk Hogan was right when he said to respect your parents and say your prayers, but he forgot to mention dropping a load....BROTHER!

One of the most important union members in the male human body? The Pro-state (or Prostate, when not trying to make a bad joke).
Some urologists believe they see a relationship between infrequency of ejaculation and cancer of the prostate. The causal argument goes like this: To produce seminal fluid, the prostate and the seminal vesicles take such substances from the blood as zinc, citric acid and potassium, then concentrate them up to 600 times. Any carcinogens present in the blood likewise would be concentrated. Rather than have concentrated carcinogens hanging around causing trouble, it's better to evict them. Regular old sex could do the job. But if the flushing of the prostate were your only objective, masturbation might be a better way to go, especially for the non-monogamous male. A study recently published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week. This sounds like a task for the Succu Dry Vampire Fleshlight, a concentrated carcinogen hunger hog.

You won't be able to see dead people, but you will be more likely to smell them.
After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain's olfactory bulb, its smell center. So THAT's why I could smell past the cocoa butter of that stripper afterwords. Damn olfactory bulb.

Break your leg? Have sex. Accidently cut your finger off? Have sex.
Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to five times their normal level. This in turn releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to even migraine. Finally, a pill that doesn't require swallowing...well, maybe not for her.

Thanks to this great article on "Is Sex Necessary?" for all of the great research. It saved me a lot of time to "work on my health."

Improve your health with Fleshlight Products!

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