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May 10, 2013

Bizarre Police Reports

Our very own Steve Shubin probably has had his fair share of crazy police calls during his time with the Los Angeles Police Department. He may have even been inspired to create the #1 Selling Male Sex Toy after so many reports of men having sex with picnic tables and getting their willies stuck in park benches. Here are just some of the reports of people caught in some of the most bizarre lewd acts. Courtesy of

Auto Erotica

Police say Danny Brawner, 46, began simulating sex with his car in the parking lot of a grocery store as patrons looked on, presumably in horror and hopefully in misunderstanding. Police said they found Brawner asleep next to his car after the incident, and that he appeared to be intoxicated.

 Puppetry of the Penis

A 44-year-old man was arrested after witnesses saw him putting on a strange show outside an apartment complex in Washington. He allegedly had a string around his genitals and was "apparently manipulating it with the string like a puppet."

Blow-Up Doll Three-Way

  George Bartusek, 51, was sentenced to six months probation after engaging in a lewd act with two blow-up dolls in the parking lot of a Publix market in Florida, as stunned onlookers watched.

 Vacuum Sex Sucks

 The heart wants what the heart wants, and in Jason Leroy Savage's case that meant sex with a car wash vacuum.

Bikini Barista Throws Boiling Water On Flasher

  When you sling espresso for a living, you have to put up with a lot from the customers, but being menaced by a middle-aged man in a bra and panties -- and nothing else -- is not part of the job description. And when he starts touching himself inappropriately, you might be tempted to throw something hot.  

Police Cut Loose Man Having Sex With Park Bench

Hong Kong police say they needed a small saw to free a "lonely" 41-year-old man who tried to pleasure himself with a bench in Lan Tian park. If he'd been stuck there any longer, doctors say they may have been forced to amputate his you know what.

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