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Oct 26, 2009

A Review of the Succu Dry Vampire Fleshlight

If you have ever fantasized about being sucked off by a hot fanged slutty vampire, your chance has arrived with Fleshlight's New Succu Dry.

The Bite That Blew Me

As I rode home, I couldn’t help but keep looking down at my passenger seat. In the plastic, tall boy looking can that sat there was not my after work beer. This was completely something different. As much as I wanted to unscrew the cap and take another gander, I knew I couldn’t. After all, it was still daylight and if this thing was anything like its fabled counterpart, it would vanish into dust if a ray hit its skin.

Now, I have had the pleasure of many Fleshlights in my day. Whether it be from the original lady, to the speed bump, to even the new Sex in a Can line, I’ve dipped my stick into it all. As much as receiving those other Fleshights was exciting, I can honestly say that when it came to this new product, I was the most excited. This wasn’t your normal everyday Fleshlight. This was a freakin’ Vampire!

That’s right, a Vampire: A corpse that rises at night to drink the blood of the living - or in my case, a corpse that rises at night to drink my living semen.

As soon as I got the Fleshlight Vampire home, I stuck it straight into the refrigerator. After all, this shouldn’t be warmed up in the sink like my other Fleshlights. This sucker is dead, and 98.6 degrees would not be feasible. As the Fleshlight Vampire rejuvenated its strength from the ride home, I prepared my gun oil lube – as I was not quite ready to cut myself and use my actual blood for lubrication. Plus who knows, what if this thing came to life with a little feeding? My penis was not willing to take that chance.

Once I felt that my new vamp friend had properly cooled, I began to really examine it. I have never seen a sexier vampire mouth in my life. I immediately began poking it with my finger and all I could think about is the sweet little red head, newbie vampire, Jessica from True Blood. As I looked at the texture inside, I knew I was in for something different. I would bet that most vampires have a relatively normal interior of the mouth, but then what would be the point of a vampire Fleshlight? Fleshlights are known for interesting textures and they weren’t about to stop here. Inside was a plethora of fangs, ready to bang. I was a little intimidated to say the least. Most guys wouldn’t want to stick their dick into anything that resembles spikes.

So, the time had come. I poured the gun oil lube inside the inviting, yet starving vampire mouth. The thoughts of Jessica from True Blood and the erotic thought of necrophilia (I’m a sick fuck) were enough to make my dick harder than a wooden stake, and this vampire was about to get stabbed.

As soon as I entered, I swear the lights went off and I entered some kind of place that you are not supposed to go. Vampires are masters of sucking and the vampire Fleshlight was no different. This sucker was tight and meant business. With every stroke, I would feel the subtle fang knobs bouncing off my head. It was a little hard for me to concentrate on feeling the knobs because I couldn’t stop looking at my dick thrusting the vampire mouth. There was just something unbelievably erotic about seeing the fangs wrapped around my penis that no other Fleshlight has given me before visually. I would say out of all the Fleshlights I have had, this was the only one I actually could not stop staring at as I fucked.

As I went up and down, I occasionally had to re-lube. This sucker was thirsty and was taking every bit of hydration down its throat. I kept going rapidly, just imagining the thirsty lips of my vampire crush Jessica of True Blood. Then it started to hit. When you are about to ejaculate in this vampires mouth, you definitely feel something. It is as if when you are ready to cum, the vampire mouth comes to life and finally bites down to…well…Succu Dry. It hurts, but in the most incredible way. The fang knobs inside become extremely prevalent when your penis is at its most sensitive. In fact, I dare anyone to be able to keep stroking with the vampire as you are ejaculating. If you can do it, maybe your status with the vampire government will be elevated.

When I was done, I felt like I had crossed some kind of line between life and death. I was awake, but asleep at the same time. The fable goes that if you are bit by a vampire and certain procedures are followed, you too will become a walker of the night. Staring at the now un-hungry vampire lying on the floor, I swear I saw a smile. Had I crossed into the realm of the undead? Just to make sure, I took a look in the mirror and hesitantly showed my teeth for any signs of fangs. I was ok. I was spared. As hard as the Fleshlight Vampire’s bite was, it had got what it came for and had given me what I desired.

My dusks just got a whole lot more interesting.

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