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Nov 03, 2009

765 People Have Sex With a Vampire in Two Weeks

Proving that the lust for carnal union with the undead is more than just an idle fantasy, 1562 people have reportedly taken the next step by engaging in oral intercourse with the famously fanged apparition. The promiscuous Succubus responsible for the unholy deeds appears to onlookers in the form of Fleshlight's Sex in a Can, aptly named Succu Dry. When asked the obvious question..."Why?" Fleshlight owner Steve Shubin replied with, "Well why not? We have been in the business of providing people an outlet for their fantasies since our founding, and we wanted to be the first to offer this, the most unattainable of fantasies." And apparently, based on the reported sales, the decision didn't 'suck'.

But for those still concerned that this may be a dangerous deed, the product comes with the following warning: "2) Should bleeding from canine incisions in the neck occur in combination with feelings of ecstasy, uncontrolled ejaculation, and submission, patch with garlic to prevent excess feeding and seek consecrated ground before calling 911."

If that hasn't scared you off, this product is available for roughly 45 Dinars (er...Dollars) and can be found on Happy Hunting.

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