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Oct 13, 2009

5 Celebrities This Week That Need a Fleshlight

From T-Mobile to Edward Cullen, these 5 celebrities need a Fleshlight this week.



5. Brett Favre
The ole’ gun slinger is still in the NFL after just turning an amazing 40 years of age. A couple more heavy sacks and his sack at home is going to become suddenly inactive. He can hail a football 50 yards, but we think that he should be going “Hail Mary” with a Fleshlight.

4. T-Mobile
Not necessarily a celebrity, but you would think so the way that they are tearing up the Twitter trends. If you were a T-Mobile Sidekick owner, you know how everyone lost all their contacts and the shit hit the fan. Someone’s supervisor is going to need some stress release. 3G just got a new meaning.

3. NASA
So the folks over at NASA decided to “blow up” the moon so we can investigate whether or not there is a source of water underneath the moon’s surface. Pretty exciting stuff to say the least. Many people around the world woke up at 6 A.M. to see what they were told would be a plume on the moon. Nobody saw a thing. To what was probably NASATV’s highest viewing audience in years, they failed to deliver. Give the LCROSS a Fleshlight – that should be interesting.

2. Billy Ray Cyress
Daddy led a campaign to try to get little Hannah Montana to come back to Twitter, after she unexpectedly closed her account. Oh god, the world just freakin’ ended. Everyone that is worrying about 2012 is wrong – Miley ended her Tweets, the world ends now. Living in his daughter’s superstardom must be tough for old Billy Ray. Shave his savor-the-flavor and get him a Fleshlight.

1. Robert Pattinson
The Twilight Vampire sensation claims that he can’t get a date. “Girls scream out for Edward, not Robert” says the guy who can’t walk the streets without 400 girls chasing after him. We are calling bullshit on this one. Still, get this man a Fleshlight. I have just the one in mind and it is coming soon...


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