G MARKS THE SPOT
The Legend's writers relinquish our pen and give way to our resident swashbuckler. Here is Captain Softbeard's 'treasure map' to finding her G Spot. Have her lie on her back. Walk 7 paces of your fingers down from her belly button. Find her love cave. Rub the pearl on the top of the entrance before you try to get inside. Take your two fingers, (clip your nails you scallywag!) and insert them pointing with the pads of them upwards. About 1.5-3 inches in you will feel a bit of spongy tissue on the top wall. AHOY MATEY! You've found the spot. Now move your fingers in a motion like you were trying to beckon your lazy first mate. Soon enough the ship beneath you will start to toss and turn like an angry sea. Shiver me Timbers, thar she goes! When the waters calm, give her a kiss, and the treasure is yours.
PULLING UP THE HOOD
Form a suction with your lips around the area. Not 'trying to suck a thick milkshake through a straw' kind of suction, but a gentle 'take a breath through your mouth' kind of suction. Then taking a moderately soft tongue, gently caress the clitoris in a circular motion. Unless you are intentionally trying to make your girl insane, make sure that you are not merely encircling the clitoris, but actually brushing the inside of it as well. You have enough tongue that you should be in contact with most of the clitoris the whole time, but the motion is what is critical. Also the top part of the clitoris, right where it meets the hood, is one of the most sensitive spots, so make sure your stroke pulls the hood back and you get the very top of that spot. Once you got this down, from there you can vary it with a little side to side, maybe occasionally dip a little lower for a moment, use a finger. Spice it up however you would like. For the more dexterous, try a figure 8 motion instead of the preferred circular.
No we not talking about the vehicle. That's what you use to try to get her to bed with you. This hummer, is you. Yes, you are the hummer. While you are already giving great oral sex, start vigorously humming a tune or a monotone, with a lot of deep notes. This will cause your mouth to vibrate, and just like a vibrator, will provide added stimulation. If you don't want her to hear you humming the theme from Rocky, you might want to do this with some music on.